Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
