it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
