I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The uberlube is also flammable
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
