My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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