dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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