A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
