You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
