i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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