turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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