i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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