We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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