I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just pee around me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
