Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
