he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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