You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
