ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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