im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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