peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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