If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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