Jerry, you need to find god
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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