How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
