no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
