you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
