Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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