arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
