Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
