i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
