redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
