I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
