I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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