do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
