i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize