I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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