2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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