Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
