My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize