how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
