I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
