did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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