I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
