I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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