And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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