I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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