Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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