do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
