it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
