At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
