the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
