I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
