I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
