i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
