you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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