Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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