It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
