if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
