I'm really into asian looking animals
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
