Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
