Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
