I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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