it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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