In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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