im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My breasts were aching with rage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
