And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
