I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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