My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
