shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
