I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
