Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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