it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
