If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
