How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
