this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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