i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
