Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
