did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
