i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
