what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
