I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
