So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
