Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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