i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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