I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
