got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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